


Trying

by allegoricalrose (SilentStars)



Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-12
Updated: 2014-05-12
Packaged: 2018-01-24 12:30:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,120
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1605269
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SilentStars/pseuds/allegoricalrose
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Nine/Rose oneshot: He <i>tries</i> to tell her.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Trying

She's sitting at the vanity, listlessly sorting through her nail varnish collection when her ears perk up the sound of shuffling outside the door. Turning her head, she listens closer but all is silent. Shaking her head, she turns back to the dark pinks when she hears it again. She shifts her leg over to the side of the stool, about to stand up and investigate, when a light knock sounds at her door.

"Yeah?" she calls out.

"Rose, it's me," she hears, muffled, and rolls her eyes fondly: who else would it be?

"Come in!"

The door creaks open slowly and after a beat's pause his head tentatively sticks through the crack.

"Rose?"

Smiling but confused at his hesitation, she waves him inside. He pushes open the door wider, but still lingers in the doorframe. He's shifting back and forth on his feet and his hands, which would normally be folded up under his arms, are twitching nervously at his side. His eyes are so wide-eyed and vulnerable that her own fingers inch to stroke his close-cropped hair or do something else equally maternal. No, maybe not maternal, she contemplates, watching him with an amused smile. 

"Yeah?" she repeats, "Are we going somewhere today after all?"

He opens his mouth to respond but the words seemed to be caught in his throat and he closes his mouth again. Scratching his chin, he looks as if he's biting the inside of his cheek.

Regarding him with a mock stern expression, she stands up and saunters over to the dumbstruck Time Lord. His hands begin to shake violently and her face softens and she grips them firmly in her own and tangles their fingers together. 

"Are you alright?" she asks, a touch worried now.

To her surprise, his head bobs up and down in a confident nod. "Everything's great, fantastic even." But he doesn't continue, just stares at her and then down at their intertwined hands.

Smiling suddenly in understanding, she releases his hands. "Did you just come to chat?" she asked, pleased. He rarely ventures down the corridor where her room is located much less comes inside unless he has something to report or to enquire how much longer she'll need to get ready. He must have a rulebook, she muses, possibly some future Emily Post, and he never deviates from it. Thou shall not enter thy companion's sacred space; whosoever shall spend more than a minute in a room with both a bed and a woman hath already committed a sin in his heart…

"Sort of," he mumbles, looking down at his boots and shuffles them across the plush carpet. His eyes rove around the room, taking in the clutter on her vanity table, her overflowing laundry hamper, and her unmade bed. He blushes, _blushes_ , at the latter and his eyes hurriedly return to his feet.

She has to do something to dispel this awkward tension he brought inside. "Well, I tell you what, while you're here can you help me move this table to the other corner? The lighting's better there."

His eyes light up at the distraction she has clearly provided and straightens his shoulders, his pectoral muscles flexing ever so slightly. "No problem, I can do it for ya." Nimbly, he lifts the vanity table with ease, not jarring the items still perfectly balanced on top, and neatly deposits it in the spot she had indicated. 

How has she not noticed earlier that he's sloughed off his leather jacket and is standing in her room in only a light blue jumper? His sleeves are pushed up to reveal a smattering of dark arm hair along his surprisingly well-toned arms and she swallows a gulp. 

He's now turned to face her again, an eager-to-please grin riding his lips. "Anythin' else I can help with?"

"Er…" She glances around the room. "I don't think so, thanks."

Silence descends again. She schools her eyes to stay on his face, no, strike that, on his eyes. Not his lips. And definitely not the biceps and pectorals she can see outlined beneath his thin jumper. 

At an attempt at casualty, he leans back against her wall but still he keeps his arms unnaturally uncrossed as if he's preparing himself for something. Shrugging, she grabs a nail varnish and plops herself down on the bed, stretching her feet out in front and interrogating the state of her pedicure. 

"So, what's on the docket for tomorrow?" she asks conversationally while she unscrews the lid to touch up her big toe.

"No plans. Anywhere you'd like to go?"

She thinks as she bends her knees and leans over her toenails. "Well, maybe we could pick up Jack from his pleasure planet and go to Kyoto like he's always going on about?" 

She sees his eyes darken at the mention of Jack and hides a smirk; Captain envy from the Doctor was something she could definitely get on board with. 

"Don't worry, you'll always be my favourite" she reassures him with a fond smile and impulsively blows him a kiss before turning back to her nails. 

A goofy grin slides across his face and he squares his shoulders. "Actually, Rose, I came in here to talk to you about something."

"Sure, what is it?" she asks lightly but a pang of horror suddenly rockets through her core. "Wait, do you want me to leave? That's not it, is it?" Her heart sinks and her eyes fix on his pleadingly despite her brain reminding her to not act desperate. 

"No!" he blurts out loudly, equally chagrinned. "I mean, no, I…I like having you here."

"Oh. Good." Her heart begins to slow and her breathing returns to business as usual. She screws the top of the varnish back on and tosses it in the general direction of the vanity.

He begins pacing back and forth across her room. "Right. Rose, I… I've been doing a lot of thinking today; that's why we're still in the vortex, I needed to… Anyway, that's what I wanted to talk to you about."

She's never heard the Time Lord babble and is wildly amused. He’s usually a man of few, succinct words. "Yes?"

He blows air out his lips and shuffles his feet again, refusing to meet her eyes. Finally she hears him mutter something so quietly, under her breath and his head down, that she has no idea what he's saying or even if he wanted her to hear it. 

"Sorry, Doctor?"

That same indistinct mumbling again. He still hasn't looked up and the image in front of her is so antithetical to his usual personality and stance that anxiety begins to build once again. What is he saying that he's so ashamed, or maybe embarrassed about? Maybe he's worried about her reaction, it must be something she won’t like. She slides off the bed and walks over to him.

"One more time?"

She just about interprets it this time. "I love you."

Her eyes widen but her forebrain screeches on the brakes on the rising emotions. He means platonically, of course; there's no way she should construe his words in any other way, no matter how much she might want to. He's alien; Time Lords probably used the term more loosely; more like Jack does, maybe. Jack's professed his love to everything from orange pancakes to herself and the Doctor and its not like she had ever thought he meant anything…deeper in his words. 

She forces a smile and gives his arm a quick squeeze. "Love you too, you crazy alien," she says, as glibly as she could convince her shaky voice. 

"Really?" he asks in amazement, his head snapping up as if he never could have imagined that would be her response.

"Of course!" she laughs. 

"How?" he chokes out and she looks at him in confusion. 

"How? Just because you're you, I guess." His expression is so shocked, so taken aback that she bites her lip. "Why, is that a problem?"

"No!" he whispers and stares at her with something akin to longing in his eyes; if he were human, or, well, anybody but the Doctor, she would almost believe it was tinged with arousal but knows that could never be the case. He was so broken after the Time War, she reminds herself, and he probably just can't believe that someone would love him again. 

A wave of compassion crashes over her at his rawness and she steps forward to hesitantly caress his cheek. "Good, 'cuz you can't do anything about it. Ha!"

He leans into her hand with closed eyes and her stomach flip-flops. She knows he has no idea how his innocent actions and touches affect her and struggles to dampen down the tingle of warmth the shoots up from her centre. 

Awkwardness returns to the room as they stay frozen in that position for longer than might be warranted in his big book of rules and she pulls back suddenly, crossing her arms across her body. "That's all you wanted to talk about?"

He nods slowly, his mouth slightly agape and his eyes transfixed on hers. 

"Why were you so nervous about _that_?" she asks with a tender smile, "I already knew you loved me; you must have known I felt the same about you…"

"Now I do," he murmurs, his hand rising and hanging in the air before dropping back down. 

"You're so sweet, Doctor," she says, turning away and picking up the clear nail varnish, "Thanks for telling me though, it means a lot." She jumps back on the bed and turns her attention to her fingernails. 

She looks over at him a minute later, surprised to see that he hasn't moved, is still watching her with that intense, uncertain gaze. At her eye contact, he smiles one of his rare true smiles and steps, almost tiptoes, over to the bed and gingerly sits on the edge. He's still scrutinizing her so intently, following her every movement like a dog with a bone. 

"You sure you're alright?" she asks, running her hand through her hair nervously, forgetting about the layer of clear varnish on its nails. Her hair is sticky now from the varnish and she hastily gathers it into a messy ponytail to keep the wet strands off her face. 

He swallows, shifting himself to better face her on the bed. "Never better," he murmurs. Is she imagining it or is his voice deeper than usual? He bends one knee to sprawl it on the bed and just as quickly brings it back down. His fingers push his sleeves up and then pull them back down again as he twists his torso further toward her. Slowly he places his hand on the bed between them, drumming his fingers in an attempt to make it seem casual. 

She looked at his hand. She looked at the twitching Time Lord. _Nah_.

Blowing on her repainted nails, she hauls herself up on her knees and leans over to plant a kiss on his forehead. "I'm going to take a shower."

His eyes open wide and she spies a blush rising up his cheeks again. What is with him today? Maybe Time Lords have a time of the month or something; he's acting decidedly odd. His mouth opens and closes like a fish and he looks down furiously into his lap. 

She stands at the foot of the bed for ten long seconds, wondering if he was going to leave her to it or stay frozen on her bed like a petrified statue. Shrugging finally, she turns to walk to the ensuite, plucking up a towel from the floor on her way. 

"Doctor?" She has to ask, at least.

His head whips up and something akin to child-like anticipation appears to flit across his face. 

"Um, are you sure you're okay? You're acting really weird."

He takes a deep breath and then another before his shoulders deflate, resignation settling into the corner of his eyes. His tight, closed-lip smile makes a reappearance and stiffly he stands up from the bed. 

"Nope. Everything's peachy. I'll see you later, Rose; I've got some repairs to do before we go to Kyoto tomorrow."

He turns to walk out of her room and she stops him with a hand on his arm. "I do care a lot about you, Doctor."

Sadness flickers in his eyes for only a second before he crosses his arms. "I know. Ditto, or whatever you humans say. Ditto: what a strange word…" he mutters to himself as he leaves. 

Her heart aches and she doesn't know why. Sighing, she turns too and heads to the shower, closing the door behind her. 

 


End file.
